7 am Michael will leave tomorrow morning. The start of the first day of law school. I packed his lunch. He had a TM orientation today. We had a gonzaga law night at the Spokane Indians game last night. It was fun, and I fit a bit better than the TM pizzeria experience, but it was still awkward. I think I learned a that I am incredibly jealous of this step Michael is taking and therefore jealous of everyone else. I know that being at home with our boys and making life not stressful for Michael is my job right now, but it seems so much less glamorous than being a nurse at an clinic for underprivileged, or being the long distance girlfriend... and yet I really like my life so, I need to just outwardly like it. I realized that up until now, I have achieved what Michael was working towards and I liked that I had, but now he moves on to something that I really want to do (grad school, not Law) and he can do it, he needs to do it right now, but it is not my time and yet I want it.
Got really frustrated this morning when he got up late for church and I felt like I was doing it all myself getting the boys ready to go, etc... need to sleep now. Trying a new schedule to still get in workout and scripture time by myself before he has to leave. Wish me luck... wish him luck too, no one will drill me with the socratic method tomorrow.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Honoring and Sustaining the Law (Student)
Allow me to introduce myself.
Amber Addams
Mother of Two Boys (almost 2 and almost 4)
Stay at Home Mom
29 years old
Wife of A 1L at Gonzaga University School of Law
This journal of sorts is my way of learning how to be a good support to a law student. I have heard horror stories... "you'll never see him," "every law student gets depressed," "stress will take over your life," "relationships will be strained"... and yeah, I'll admit it, I am fairly anxious about everything. So this journal is my attempt to sort through and record this adventure. Extra prayers are appreciated. :)
Amber Addams
Mother of Two Boys (almost 2 and almost 4)
Stay at Home Mom
29 years old
Wife of A 1L at Gonzaga University School of Law
This journal of sorts is my way of learning how to be a good support to a law student. I have heard horror stories... "you'll never see him," "every law student gets depressed," "stress will take over your life," "relationships will be strained"... and yeah, I'll admit it, I am fairly anxious about everything. So this journal is my attempt to sort through and record this adventure. Extra prayers are appreciated. :)
On the List of Most Awkward Nights of My Life
Tonight was the much anticipated kick-off event of our law school experience, the Tomas Moore (TM) scholarship pizza dinner. Located at the Europa Pizzeria, and families invited, I pictured a red-checked plastic table cloth, and brown thick plastic glasses kind of place. I threw crayons and a book in my purse, envisioning other kids there and menus to color. We arrived late after setting up new bank accounts, only maybe 7 minutes or so, but in law school time, that is late. Surprised at how nice this pizzeria was, with linen table clothes and tapestry-like chair covers, chandeliers, servers all in black, a bar with beautiful wines and glasses displayed... enter our motley crew. Luckily freshly changed into collared shirts (except Michael) and sandals, we were greeted by a very well dressed table of entirely adults. There was one "family member" of another TM, a girl friend, who will be leaving in the morning. Can't wait to hang out with this crowd at the monthly potlucks!
Everyone was very friendly and gracious at first and then we sat and did introductions and the boys decided that it was time to scream and try to grab everything on the table. When I say boys, I mostly mean my 1.833 year old, Daniel. They ate peacefully, with minimal grabbing and then the conversation turned more towards what to expect the following week and year, what classes were what, and what vet to take the your animals to (this woman, the TM director was definitely an animal not a child minded person). So the evening ensued... me out in the hallway, street, stairs, etc with my busy boy, Joshua quietly (for the most part) coloring in a notebook I have in my purse (due to the pizzeria sans kid coloring menus) and Michael probably feeling horrible that I was out trying to entertain while he was there feeling probably partly as awkward as I was.
We left graciously at the end and all was fine. Except the part about me feeling totally and 100% out of the loop and so, so awkward. Like literally more than I have in a long, long time. I feel like an old matron, my two boys keeping me from joining in the conversation, and even if I was part of the conversation feeling totally out of it because the group wasn't really for me. So be it. It isn't for me and I am here to support my law student, not be a law student.
It dawned on me today that the real lasting and eternal things, I do everyday. Law school, fancy jobs, and all the wordly "cool things" aren't really all that important in the long run. The most important thing is helping raise these boys to be good people. That is the most important, thought it makes me feel very, very alone and isolated at times.
I hope there are other students with families, to at least feel like I fit in somewhere at least a little.
Moral of the story: when having a "family dinner" at a "pizzeria" say kids are not invited to attend, and tell us what to wear or at least the style of restaurant. It would have saved me a lot of blah tonight and a lot of frustrated feelings towards my actually fairly well behaved little boys.
Tomorrow orientation starts, no idea what to expect except not to see my husband all day. Wish me luck!
Everyone was very friendly and gracious at first and then we sat and did introductions and the boys decided that it was time to scream and try to grab everything on the table. When I say boys, I mostly mean my 1.833 year old, Daniel. They ate peacefully, with minimal grabbing and then the conversation turned more towards what to expect the following week and year, what classes were what, and what vet to take the your animals to (this woman, the TM director was definitely an animal not a child minded person). So the evening ensued... me out in the hallway, street, stairs, etc with my busy boy, Joshua quietly (for the most part) coloring in a notebook I have in my purse (due to the pizzeria sans kid coloring menus) and Michael probably feeling horrible that I was out trying to entertain while he was there feeling probably partly as awkward as I was.
We left graciously at the end and all was fine. Except the part about me feeling totally and 100% out of the loop and so, so awkward. Like literally more than I have in a long, long time. I feel like an old matron, my two boys keeping me from joining in the conversation, and even if I was part of the conversation feeling totally out of it because the group wasn't really for me. So be it. It isn't for me and I am here to support my law student, not be a law student.
It dawned on me today that the real lasting and eternal things, I do everyday. Law school, fancy jobs, and all the wordly "cool things" aren't really all that important in the long run. The most important thing is helping raise these boys to be good people. That is the most important, thought it makes me feel very, very alone and isolated at times.
I hope there are other students with families, to at least feel like I fit in somewhere at least a little.
Moral of the story: when having a "family dinner" at a "pizzeria" say kids are not invited to attend, and tell us what to wear or at least the style of restaurant. It would have saved me a lot of blah tonight and a lot of frustrated feelings towards my actually fairly well behaved little boys.
Tomorrow orientation starts, no idea what to expect except not to see my husband all day. Wish me luck!
All Good Things Must Come to a New Beginning
Today is the end and the beginning. The end of an amazing summer. From the point that we packed the van, and signed over the house to someone new we have been on summer vacation mode. We got to visit with Lon and Marsha, Adam and Emma (and were there for Adam's graduation and Preston's blessing), Kevin and Pam and their family. We played in St George, Disney Land and San Jose. Then we went to a fairytale wedding in Redmond and spend 3 weeks at Jean and Liz's house (sans Jean and Liz for two of those weeks).
We had a very part time flexible job babysitting Hannah while she was between sitters, which meant we got to see Kelley and Dave everyday for the month of June, which was awesome. Michael took me on an amazing surprise to LA for our Honeymoon, and we saw Hollywood, the LA temple and the Reagan Library as well as the beautiful touring production of Les Miserables. (I still can't believe that we went on that trip!) We attended a great family reunion in Bear Lake, Utah and caught up with all my Leavitt cousins and aunts and uncles.
We were spoiled by Michael being around most every day. He allowed me to run and workout each morning without having to worry about the boys, because he took care of them. We got to hang out with Megan and Jared several times all together and Megan and I took our boys to Flight Museum and a summer concert in the park. Our little family went on a hike. We also hung out with Lauren and Russell and went to Pike Place Market, the Science Center, and Bainbridge Island. I took Joshua to Saturday's market and took the time to sit and eat a shaved ice. In addition to our amazing trip, we got to go on several great dates for sealings, a reenactment of our first date (almost), and to Harry Potter and dinner.
We got to bask in the love of grandparents, especially my dad who truely savored the experience of having Daniel and Joshua as his little every moment companions. They got to build a tree house, plant in the garden, feed the chickens, run through sprinklers, jump on the trampoline, go on a bike ride in the bugger, camp in the back yard in a tent, roast marshmallows, help with fixer projects, go on errands just to get ice cream or to get crickets for the frogs and then watch them being eaten... pure grandson bliss. We spent time with Mary at the Locks and saw the fish ladders, at Houghton Beach (on the most perfect day weatherwise), and went to Molbacks and got frozen yogurt another day. They also got several fun tractor rides with Grandpa Jean and loved the playground in his backyard, and they picked huckleberries and found robin eggs under his deck. They loved Emma and my mom too. Daniel is still talking about Emma. I took just Daniel to the grocery store on Saturday night and he was constantly jabbering, about how "Emma sang that" or "Emma likes these" (mushrooms) and he pointed out Emma in almost every picture, even one of a black girl drinking milk-- it was Emma apparently :) Daniel adores Emma.
I got to take a break and go to Musikgarten training which was a very inspiring experience not only as a teacher, but as a mom. I thoroughly enjoyed it and now I have a new task of actually putting a class together and doing it... I hope I can!
We also got to move into this fabulous house and get settled, refinish grandma addams' table (cross your fingers, 4,000 coats and resandings and a week later it worked out alright...) and a free desk that I painted and antiqued (trying to copy Kim McConkie's tv amour that I loved). And to finish it off, we went camping at Clear Lake, which included a movie in the park at dusk with free massive smores and hotdogs, a boat ride the next day on a fishing boat (for a great price), and a swim in the lake to cool off. Oh and Joshua got to take swim lessons at Strattonwood before we left Redmond and to say he loved them is an understatement. He blossomed in the water this year, he is so brave, the bravest in the class and first to jump off, slide down or volunteer out of the group of 6 kids. We were so proud of him! Last night we went to Amy and Mike Heppler's (on South Hill) for dinner and games and laughed and had a great time! It was wonderful to be with an old wonderful friend.
So today begins the next chapter. Mike needs to have study time to finish his orientation homework and then tonight we got out to dinner to meet all of the others that got the same scholarship and their families. I am excited and nervous about it. Nervous and terrified to begin.
Michael gave me a blessing last night per my request. He blessed me to know that my attitude will be dependent upon my faith in Christ. To study his suffering and mission. To call and seek counsel and friendship in Abbey. That I will finish my education at the time that I feel right about. That he loves me and will have time for us. That I am a good mother and was handpicked for our specific children. We both were awake with the sun around 5 and had some time just for us that was much needed and then went back to sleep. And so we slept in today, we will check out the library and see what else we can do so Michael can study and then tomorrow a new chapter begins: Law School. (stolen from Kim's blog) ...Deep breath.
We had a very part time flexible job babysitting Hannah while she was between sitters, which meant we got to see Kelley and Dave everyday for the month of June, which was awesome. Michael took me on an amazing surprise to LA for our Honeymoon, and we saw Hollywood, the LA temple and the Reagan Library as well as the beautiful touring production of Les Miserables. (I still can't believe that we went on that trip!) We attended a great family reunion in Bear Lake, Utah and caught up with all my Leavitt cousins and aunts and uncles.
We were spoiled by Michael being around most every day. He allowed me to run and workout each morning without having to worry about the boys, because he took care of them. We got to hang out with Megan and Jared several times all together and Megan and I took our boys to Flight Museum and a summer concert in the park. Our little family went on a hike. We also hung out with Lauren and Russell and went to Pike Place Market, the Science Center, and Bainbridge Island. I took Joshua to Saturday's market and took the time to sit and eat a shaved ice. In addition to our amazing trip, we got to go on several great dates for sealings, a reenactment of our first date (almost), and to Harry Potter and dinner.
We got to bask in the love of grandparents, especially my dad who truely savored the experience of having Daniel and Joshua as his little every moment companions. They got to build a tree house, plant in the garden, feed the chickens, run through sprinklers, jump on the trampoline, go on a bike ride in the bugger, camp in the back yard in a tent, roast marshmallows, help with fixer projects, go on errands just to get ice cream or to get crickets for the frogs and then watch them being eaten... pure grandson bliss. We spent time with Mary at the Locks and saw the fish ladders, at Houghton Beach (on the most perfect day weatherwise), and went to Molbacks and got frozen yogurt another day. They also got several fun tractor rides with Grandpa Jean and loved the playground in his backyard, and they picked huckleberries and found robin eggs under his deck. They loved Emma and my mom too. Daniel is still talking about Emma. I took just Daniel to the grocery store on Saturday night and he was constantly jabbering, about how "Emma sang that" or "Emma likes these" (mushrooms) and he pointed out Emma in almost every picture, even one of a black girl drinking milk-- it was Emma apparently :) Daniel adores Emma.
I got to take a break and go to Musikgarten training which was a very inspiring experience not only as a teacher, but as a mom. I thoroughly enjoyed it and now I have a new task of actually putting a class together and doing it... I hope I can!
We also got to move into this fabulous house and get settled, refinish grandma addams' table (cross your fingers, 4,000 coats and resandings and a week later it worked out alright...) and a free desk that I painted and antiqued (trying to copy Kim McConkie's tv amour that I loved). And to finish it off, we went camping at Clear Lake, which included a movie in the park at dusk with free massive smores and hotdogs, a boat ride the next day on a fishing boat (for a great price), and a swim in the lake to cool off. Oh and Joshua got to take swim lessons at Strattonwood before we left Redmond and to say he loved them is an understatement. He blossomed in the water this year, he is so brave, the bravest in the class and first to jump off, slide down or volunteer out of the group of 6 kids. We were so proud of him! Last night we went to Amy and Mike Heppler's (on South Hill) for dinner and games and laughed and had a great time! It was wonderful to be with an old wonderful friend.
So today begins the next chapter. Mike needs to have study time to finish his orientation homework and then tonight we got out to dinner to meet all of the others that got the same scholarship and their families. I am excited and nervous about it. Nervous and terrified to begin.
Michael gave me a blessing last night per my request. He blessed me to know that my attitude will be dependent upon my faith in Christ. To study his suffering and mission. To call and seek counsel and friendship in Abbey. That I will finish my education at the time that I feel right about. That he loves me and will have time for us. That I am a good mother and was handpicked for our specific children. We both were awake with the sun around 5 and had some time just for us that was much needed and then went back to sleep. And so we slept in today, we will check out the library and see what else we can do so Michael can study and then tomorrow a new chapter begins: Law School. (stolen from Kim's blog) ...Deep breath.
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