Tonight was the much anticipated kick-off event of our law school experience, the Tomas Moore (TM) scholarship pizza dinner. Located at the Europa Pizzeria, and families invited, I pictured a red-checked plastic table cloth, and brown thick plastic glasses kind of place. I threw crayons and a book in my purse, envisioning other kids there and menus to color. We arrived late after setting up new bank accounts, only maybe 7 minutes or so, but in law school time, that is late. Surprised at how nice this pizzeria was, with linen table clothes and tapestry-like chair covers, chandeliers, servers all in black, a bar with beautiful wines and glasses displayed... enter our motley crew. Luckily freshly changed into collared shirts (except Michael) and sandals, we were greeted by a very well dressed table of entirely adults. There was one "family member" of another TM, a girl friend, who will be leaving in the morning. Can't wait to hang out with this crowd at the monthly potlucks!
Everyone was very friendly and gracious at first and then we sat and did introductions and the boys decided that it was time to scream and try to grab everything on the table. When I say boys, I mostly mean my 1.833 year old, Daniel. They ate peacefully, with minimal grabbing and then the conversation turned more towards what to expect the following week and year, what classes were what, and what vet to take the your animals to (this woman, the TM director was definitely an animal not a child minded person). So the evening ensued... me out in the hallway, street, stairs, etc with my busy boy, Joshua quietly (for the most part) coloring in a notebook I have in my purse (due to the pizzeria sans kid coloring menus) and Michael probably feeling horrible that I was out trying to entertain while he was there feeling probably partly as awkward as I was.
We left graciously at the end and all was fine. Except the part about me feeling totally and 100% out of the loop and so, so awkward. Like literally more than I have in a long, long time. I feel like an old matron, my two boys keeping me from joining in the conversation, and even if I was part of the conversation feeling totally out of it because the group wasn't really for me. So be it. It isn't for me and I am here to support my law student, not be a law student.
It dawned on me today that the real lasting and eternal things, I do everyday. Law school, fancy jobs, and all the wordly "cool things" aren't really all that important in the long run. The most important thing is helping raise these boys to be good people. That is the most important, thought it makes me feel very, very alone and isolated at times.
I hope there are other students with families, to at least feel like I fit in somewhere at least a little.
Moral of the story: when having a "family dinner" at a "pizzeria" say kids are not invited to attend, and tell us what to wear or at least the style of restaurant. It would have saved me a lot of blah tonight and a lot of frustrated feelings towards my actually fairly well behaved little boys.
Tomorrow orientation starts, no idea what to expect except not to see my husband all day. Wish me luck!
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